Ready to Run

So I recently found out that the man that raped me is getting out of jail after only serving 9 months. The emotions that I thought were finally gone have rushed right back. I am once again daily dealing with the same battles that I dealt with before. I discovered several things tonight while sitting in bible study. #1, I realized how easy it was to turn back to my eating disorder. Not even intentionally, it's just a habit. I did it for so long that I don't even have to think about it, it just happens. So while sitting in bible study talking with the other girls, I realized it was after 8pm and I hadn't eaten yet at all today. Once I realized that, I ate as soon as I came home. Believe me, I've seen the damage that an ED causes and I don't want to go down that path again. #2, I realized that I'm still angry. I'm so angry and bitter right now. I want my revenge, my justice for what he put me through. He doesn't deserve to have a life outside of those walls. He's kept me inside a dark and lonely place for 3 years now and I'll never get out of this room if he gets out of prison. It's not fair. I'm trying to remember that it's up to God to have His revenge and justice not me. That's so hard though. And lastly #3, I realized that I want to run. Everything in me is screaming "RUN!!!" I AM running. I have a trip planned this weekend, using the excuse to go visit a friend that's away at medical school and to take a weekend off of work (I get one weekend off per quarter, so 4 weekends a year). But God really spoke to me tonight and told me to quit running, to give it to Him and let Him handle it. I don't know why that's so hard.